First off, I’d like to make my standard opening mentioning how long it has been since my last blog… 3 weeks is actually a lot better than it has been, so I guess I have that going for me now.
I guess today’s (perhaps tonight’s is more applicable) blog is entirely (hyperbole) inspired by a friend who messaged me after my last facebook post to tell me I was
“a brilliant witness here on Facebook, I wish I had half your courage! “
I have to admit hearing that felt pretty good. Since the person who made it has no exposure to my life apart from facebook these days I have to say it is a nice compliment.
It got me thinking. Maybe I’m a great witness on Facebook, maybe I’m even an ok witness in the real world as well.
Perhaps, these two worlds don’t need to be held at arms reach. Perhaps the world (like, all 30 odd people who will eventually stumble across this) is ready for some real honest to God (literally) honesty.
I am by nature of being a human, a sinner – which simply means I’M NOT PERFECT. There, I said it once, don’t make me say it again, I don’t know if my ego can handle such self-centered humility. (Isn’t it interesting how in Christian circles admitting that you aren’t perfect nearly defeats the purpose – “I’m such a good Christian I know I’m not a good Christian” – how meta is that!?)
some plenty problematic areas in my life, being lazy for one, I forget to do my bible studies, I don’t pray as often as I should do. My room is a mess, I don’t eat well, I don’t sleep as well as I should, I’ve not been to the gym in ages… I’ve not been as good to my friends as I should have been. I don’t make enough of an effort to make new friends, or to improve my relationships with my old friends, I’m still in the 1500mmr bracket in hon, and bronze league in starcraft. In general I’ve been idling along, ticking over just above passing – pretty much how I’ve made my way through life so far, just better than failing.
There is more to life though, I’m pretty sure. After all Jesus offers a way of life that’s not about hitting targets, meeting quotas or even meeting expectations. Jesus offers a lifestyle that is dynamic, self-aware, proactive about dealing with all sorts of issues – self centered and people centered issues. Jesus offers a life where all you have to do is try your best to do your best, and if you mess up it’s not game over.
Where am I at the moment? Sitting in bed surveying not the wonderous cross, but the abysmal state of my
bedroom spiritual life. I think the way forwards for me at the moment is to spend more time focused on Jesus, and less time thinking about myself, and where I’m going. After all, nothing is to be gained by fretting and uninformed planning.
At the moment I have a couple of part time jobs, I’m looking for more a permanent and more time consuming (read full time) job. While working and wasting time I find just enough spare time to help facilitate a “Student Community” for my church. I say facilitate because really all I do is come up with the odd idea, send out a message mondayish and wait for people to turn up on a thursday night. It’s a great community and they all seem to take care of themselves remarkably well. (#loveyouguys #hashtagsdontbelongonwordpress #ohwell)
The time I waste I thinking about the future (sometimes) and I’ve been somewhat honest with you guys already, I’ve said that I’m basically quitting uni, by taking a sidestep to get out with a straight up bachelor’s. I’m currently in the process of “Thinking about a call to the ministry” as somebody else summed it up for me. I’m pretty certain I want to become some kind of minister or pastor. I’ve more exploration to do though, some enquiring, questions to ask and people to chat with, at the end of that process I’d like to be at a point in life where I can move onto the path to “facilitating” a church. There’s a lot to find out, and I feel I’ve wasted enough of my life with this BSc already, and now it’s time to settle down and get to grips with what I’m going to do for the next 80 odd years (here’s hoping).
So at the moment I’ve some “feelers” out with the Church of Scotland, and have dropped some serious hints in the baptist church I’m with at the moment to see what kind of paths there are into that kind of role.
That’s where I am, and where I am going. If you have advice, suggestions, or just want to rant about how the youth of today is slipping away (as a member of ‘today’s youth’ I feel qualified to say that we/I are) from traditional standards of morality and ethical living, then please do so in a constructive manner in the comments or get in touch via email or something like that.